Why I never wanted to be a teacher

I have
ALWAYS loved school.  I was that kid who
asked for a white board for Christmas so I could teach my stuffed animals how to
write in cursive.   I was that kid who
couldn’t wait to open a fresh spiral notebook and begin filling it with
notes at the start of the school year.  I was that kid who wouldn’t let
any of her friends copy her homework, but instead insisted on tutoring them for
an hour before school to make sure they understood it.  I was that kid who couldn’t wait to read
through her syllabi on the first day of classes.  But as much as I loved school, I never, ever,
ever wanted to be a teacher.  

I wanted to
be a doctor.  I figured since I loved
school so much, becoming a doctor would be perfect because I would basically be
in school forever.  I also always loved
science – a subject that there was ALWAYS more to learn about, so I knew if I
chose a career in science I would get to be a forever student.  I had visions of my life being full of travel
and saw myself healing orphans in Africa as I worked with Doctor’s Without
Borders.  I was going to live the
dream.

But then my
life got wrecked in 2008 when I heard the Gospel for the first time and
realized my life wasn’t actually about me at all.  I remember reading the book of John and
hearing about Jesus and thinking – if only had I known this sooner.  A seed was planted in my heart that my life
needed to be dedicated to sharing the truth of who Jesus is with high school
girls because once I heard this truth, my life was changed forever and my only
wish was that I had known sooner. 

I fought
this though.  I didn’t want to have a job
working with high schoolers.   I have
always been so bad with kids.  I am not
patient.  I need to be a doctor.  I need to fulfill my desires to always be
learning, and to do something awesome like SAVE LIVES with all of my knowledge.

But as I
went through college as a biology pre-med major, the Lord kept tugging on my
heart.  He told me I was meant to live
out my love of school by being a teacher. 
He would give me a heart to love high schoolers.  He will give me the patience I need.  I will always be learning because every kid
is different and I will constantly be pushed to learn how to best meet my
students’ needs and learn how I can bring out the best in each of them as
individuals. 

Most of all,
God told me I am going to spend my life
dedicated to saving lives.  Just not in a
physical way, and not in a way that I will necessarily ever get to
witness.  I was called to spend my life
dying to myself in order to reflect Jesus in me more and more.  I was called to plant seeds in the hearts of
high school students that their lives are so much bigger than they even can
imagine, and that there is a sovereign and good God that wants to take their brokenness
and their blindness and give them wholeness and sight. 

In short, I
never chose this profession.  I never even wanted this profession.  But like
most things, God often likes to wreck the plans we create for ourselves and
replace them with His – which are so, so much better than we could ever
imagine.  He puts us into situations that
challenge us and push us towards dependence on Him.  Being in a job that requires the maximum
amount of patience, I am pushed HOURLY to Jesus (causing me to regularly call on the wisdom of Carrie Underwood as I pray “Jesus take the wheel.”)